Well That's Cool

Disclaimer: the reviewer has an unhealthy fascination with a certain actor who plays a main character’s family member.

Let me start with the elephant in the room. Is the bromance of the same epic level as the first installment? Well, objectively, it’s more prevalent. Subjectively, it’s either better or worse, depending on your appreciation for homoeroticism.

The story starts with Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams) and Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) playing the same game of disguised detective and the playfully lawless. No doubt this was to get the audience back in the mood for Downey’s take on the detective. It has the slow motion breakdown of the fight. The fight ends and Holmes meets up with Adler. A crisis is averted and the audience learns quickly that it was part of a greater conspiracy. The plot continues to wind and hint and show the full crime that is taking place but without spoiling anything. Watching a movie is a passive act. This movie challenges this passivity like the previous Ritchie/Holmes movie did.

As suggested earlier by the reflection on the bromance, the characters are well written and expertly played. It should be noted that the movie is completely stolen by the Sherlock’s brother, Mycroft (Stephen Fry).

Also, I would like to state my pleasure with Guy Ritchie’s take on commercial movies. His prior movies were fun but this series challenges the audience when they expect a simple action movie, as the trailers seem to suggest.

So, how does this stack up? Is this a sequel a worthy effort? Absolutely.
10/10

Soon: The Hunger Games

Popularity: 10% [?]

It’s that time of year again to celebrate perhaps the greatest movie ever made. Sure some might argue for Casablanca or Citizen Kane, but for our money, The Big Lebowski is the kind of cinematic master piece we can really get behind. With that said, we are happy to announce “Tuscaloosa Abides a celebration of all things Lebowski”.

The Event will be held at Tuscaloosa’s Historic Bama Theatre on Saturday April 7th. Door open 6:30 with the movie at 8:30. Now just seeing the epic awesomeness of “Lebowski” would be worth the price of admission but at the Tuscaloosa Abides, there is so much more. There will be specials on the Dudes drink of choice, Caucasians (White Russians), Wii bowling in the Greensboro room, a costume contest run by Mama Dixie of the Pink Box Burlesque with awesome prizes. All of this can be yours for the low price of $7.50 advanced (which you can find here) and $10 day of the show. Tuscaloosa Abides and so should you.

Popularity: 25% [?]

First, a few names. Steven Spielberg, Peter Jackson, Andy Serkis. Now a few more. Edgar Wright, Nick Frost, Simon Pegg.

The first name there is instantly recognizable. The second may be (he directed Lord of the Rings and is helping the upcoming prequels, The Hobbit). Serkis played Gollum. So far, this is a powerful and understandably self important group.

The second set of names (out of which Pegg is most known) is the group of minds behind Shaun if the Dead and Hot Fuzz.

All of these folks are part of Tintin as director (Speilberg), producer (Jackson), writer (Wright), and actors (Serkis, Frost, Pegg). And what a movie!

Tintin is based off the rather popular serial comic that became collections of graphic novels. And this movie has a lot to live up to. And it does. Proper cameos, great adaptation, and a smartly written plot add up to a great movie. Or it should.

Tintin is very popular and the movie did amazingly! But only in Europe. In America, it’s a different story. Some of us happened upon it when our military families ended up overseas. Others discovered it during the mid 00′s, when graphic novels became the thing to read. And this is why my review isn’t glowing. It’s great, if you know the source material. Otherwise, the characters are not relatable and Tintin is annoying.

6/10 cooligans for those new to the series. 9/10 cooligans for those familiar with the source material.

Popularity: 9% [?]

Hot on the heels of my previous review, here are some quick, down-and-dirty reviews of the movies that the Bama’s been showing. Keep coming back for the full series as it happens.

Melancholia: Missed most of it, I was selling tickets to the movie (Well That’s Cooligans support our community). It seemed super depressing. Plus, who wants to have sex in a sand trap? Sounds… gritty.

Martha, Marcy, May, Marlene: A wonderful meditation on why postmodernism is ass-backwards and modernism is alienating.

*Bonus* The response from the Bama’s manager upon hearing that line: “Bill, you’re full of shit.”

Bellflower: Bad in a good way and good in a bad way.

The Other F Word: Punk rockers explain some of the best reasons to have a crumb-snatcher. It’s pretty heartfelt. Not a lot of reality show bull here. Just punk rockers as dads.

Black Power Mix Tape 1967-1975: This film is impossible to sum up in one sentence. It was informative and showed many people from the Civil Rights Movement as persons and not just names in a text book. See this film.

Carnage: Hilarious, but where was Venom? (Spider-man joke!)

A Dangerous Method: Man, seriously. Keira was spanked… All naughty like… I mean… dang…

Popularity: 22% [?]

Apologies for lateness. Color me lazy.

As I didn’t read the book, I went into Scorsese’s film quite blind. A combination of his daughter’s request for a movie she could watch and Scorsese’s own love of 3D film, Hugo tells of an orphan who is determined to repair an automaton his father started fixing.

This movie’s plot is one to watch instead of reading a summary in a review. The technical aspect of the plot is that it is two part, the setting and the stage. In all, I found it too fragmented. I plan to read the book and watch the film again.

The characters are fun and actor chemistry is fantastic. The story is dripping with a sense of adventure that accompanies childhood naivete. The movie also reminds younger viewers that those older than they were once as young and as idealistic as the young are now. This holds especially true when the movie diverts from Hugo’s story to a biographical one.

It’s a tough film to critique without having read the book. Therefore, I won’t numerically score this. Simply put, see it if you have read the book, or if your kid wants to see it, or if you want to see some of the first films ever made in 3D.

If you miss it in theatres, get the 3D Blu Ray. Scorsese made it 3D for a reason.

Bonus info: this movie got a ton of damn Oscar nods. Take that how you will.

Popularity: 13% [?]

While I shy away from nostalgic things (because nothing can top my memory of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles show), I like nostalgia from certain sources and, being in the right mood, gave the new Muppet movie a whirl. And it was a hell of a great way to unwind. While some things were laid on heavily and non-cameo actors came off really hokey, that was the point, wasn’t it?

Popularity: 11% [?]

One of our favorite times of the year is Halloween. Who doesn’t like getting tipsy while dressing as their favorite video game charter or internet meme?  (why yes Matt Smith I do think those tights would really pull your Link costume together)  But we also love that it’s the time of year that we get to partner with the lovely ladies and handsome gentlemen of the PBB for The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

This year’s show is on Sat Oct 29th at the lovely Bama Theatre at 9pm. It’s not just a screening of the movie,oh no, it’s a full on stage show with  crowd participation, props,  dancing and a heaping tablespoon of innuendo with the movie as a backdrop. It would be a terrible shame to get there late. Starting at 7pm when the doors open you can watch “Haxan”, a creepy 1922 Swedish documentary about witchcraft followed by the always super rad costume contest with over $300 in prizes at 8:30. Admission is just $15 with prop bags for $5 and that is money well spent in our book. We hope to see you there!!

*update*

8pm: Special Guests, the Voodoo Saints!!

Popularity: 26% [?]

The Arts Council of Tuscaloosa is bringing something very cool back to the Bama, The Art House Film series. This fall’s series promises to be one of the best yet. It runs Tuesday nights at 7:30PM. The best deal in town for a film on the big screen is at the Bama Theatre where adults can see all nine films for $4.44 a film when you buy a season pass. Adults pay $40 and students/seniors pay $35 for a pass to the entire season. That’s a deal even David Smith can get behind and that’s before the $1 popcorn. The Bama Bar will be running drink specials and open at 6:45 in advance of each show. People sometimes gripe to us about there not being enough cool stuff here in our fair hamlet but this is a prime example of something we need to support. You can get you season passes here. The opening film will be Terrence Malick’s “Tree of Life” and continue through October 11th.

• August 23: The Cave of Forgotten Dreams 
• August 30: The Trip
• September 6: The Names of Love
• September 13: Beginners
• September 20: Terri (who doesn’t like John C. Reilly)
• September 27: Manhattan Short Film Festival
• October 4: Tabloid
• October 11: Submarine

Popularity: 19% [?]

Let me be clear from the start: I have not seen this movie. I will soon, in an attempt to give some credence to my ranting, but I haven’t yet. The following words are a pre-view, a chance to share my anger at its boiling point to those who have not yet had the joy.

This movie takes my blood pressure sky-high. The rise comes for the two reasons, the most obvious being representation of women. The way to get ahead is to scrounge money for a tit-implant, get a “hot” guy, and have him support you? Seriously??? I want to know what ideas got turned down in that pitch meeting. This is an example of one way female comedy can go after the climate change hoped for following the movie “Bridesmaids” last month: women “empowered” by their ability to be dirty versions of what men are after. Charming.

Honestly, the concept is so absurd that I can’t be offended by it for more than five minutes. It’s certainly bad, and Cameron Diaz in particular creeps me out beyond imagination, but it’s not really a shocking development. What really gets my bile up is that Diaz is a teacher.

Maybe the profession isn’t much of a concern to the target group seeing this movie. I don’t have stats on this, but I would hearty bet that the only people seriously concerned with education in the nation are people with kids. Or folks trying to enter the field, like myself. We’re mired in this hellatious swamp of testing, arbitrary accountability ratings, and the idea that class room training is more valuable than subject knowledge (the former is important, no doubt, but ultimately what good is being able to awesomely manage a classroom if you have nothing of substance to teach?). For quite a while the idea was “those who can not do, teach,” that it was a course of study favored by women still waiting to earn their MRS, or just folks who don’t want a life in retail or restaurant, but not smart enough to much else. Now we’ve reached a point where teachers apparently exist to suck the system dry while not doing anything for the students — unions battling for outrageous benefits so that these monsters can sit in front of knowledge starved young ones counting their pile of gold!

This may seem a bit far from a summer flick with Cameron Diaz doing a sexy carwash, just the bitter ramblings of an unemployed graduate, hopelessly jealous of the bleach-blonde Joker look.  Maybe so.  Still, when I’m assaulted by this movie’s trailer all I can see is teachers being slobs who got into the game to be lazy, people who don’t care about their students unless they can profit off of them, and promotion of the idea that standardized tests truly are a great way to get people motivated.  Diaz strutting like a preying mantis in heat and Justin Timberlake looking barely pubescent are just the icing on the caca-cake.

Hopefully, I’m terribly wrong and the trailer is just sensationalist propaganda that doesn’t effectively represent the movie’s core.  For now, I’m just looking for a way to see it without contributing a cent to the weekend gross.

This movie opens today at the Cobb 16 along with Cars 2 which I hear is also quite the masterpiece.

Popularity: 13% [?]

Note to future filmmakers: If the scene you are creating looks anything like a screensaver or wallpaper included in Windows, DON’T DO IT.

Not sure how to apply this to veteran maker Terrence Malick, but want to at least put a call out in some lame attempt to prevent my eyes from being subjected to that nonsense again.  This trip down memory lane for a man (Sean Penn) trying to grapple with conflicting feelings toward his father, the troubles of becoming a man, and the loss of his childhood, plays more like a punishment than a narrative experience.  What have we done to offend you, Terry?  I understand the intent of vision, but the end product plays like a long trailer — series of partially connected scenes, swooping music, poignant faces, and so on.

Malick works a great lens without the backbone of narrative tightness, a clear perspective, balance of any kind.  The stage has no clear setting, though there is a glimmer of an idea that the two parents battle inside their growing child, an interesting concept worth exploring.  This falls apart with the execution of the parents.  Pitt’s portrayal of the father is beautifully crafted, whether by Malick’s hand or Pitt’s it’s hard to tell.  The dichotomy unravels, and actually does great injustice to the other performers (except for Penn who if just obnoxiously hanging out for the course of the film, looking pensive and destructive as ever), with the two-dimensional image of goodness that is the mother.  Her spacey looks and wispy sayings are dull to the point of distraction.  Or action — I could have run screaming out of the theater a couple times (admittedly, this may have been augmented by highly uncomfortable chairs).

I don’t even know how to approach what I can only decipher as Malick’s failed contribution to a Discovery Channel mini-series.

Self-reflection is a vital part of the human experience, but the purpose of film is communication and that just didn’t happen here.  It was the precipice with no followthrough, a declaration with no substance, just a wide array of glorious items disgracefully lacking.  Very likely, this project fulfilled some great part of Malick’s creative vision, but it’s a school of cinematic thought I have no patience for.  It’s not petty indulgence, as I read in one review, it’s just damn foolishness.  We would all be better served if Malick had approached a talented screen-scribe, laid out the plan, and insisted on visual oversight.  Then, truly (sans creation montage), he would have had a wonder on his hands.

This film was seen at the lovely Cinema Arts Theater in Fairfax, VA.

Popularity: 9% [?]